Since you DO feel guilt, forgive yourself. That being said, you DO, and that's where a huge part of your pain is coming from. It's very normal for people (both genders) to freeze up during a sexual assault or a rape. Sorry for the long ramblings its late, but i wanted to post this. My stepbrother is dead to me now, i want nothing to do with him. There was NO penetrative sex or anything, but i still feel super gross about the whole situation. Its been about 4 months and he has moved out of the house and I have not talked to my dad either (we didn't talk much before because he left to the army when I was younger). When I got home I told my mom that I froze up (not the part how I waited until I orgasmed) she called my dad pretty furious about the situation. Overall I am sort of glad this happened now because I realize he was not a real brother. I hope there never is a next time I am in any kind of situation like this, but if there is I will be more prepared. I thought I could have been gay for a couple days after, but quickly realized that is definitely not the case so I just dont know why I didnt stop the situation. I should not have froze up or waited until I orgasmed. I have a girlfriend I have been with ever since high school (we are waiting till marriage to have penetrative sex) so this was different for me and I cant explain the disgust I have not only at him, but my self for not stopping the situation. I feel so guilty and ashamed for not stopping things, I should have stopped right away, but I froze up. When I was done crying and hearing him saying im sorry, I went and took a shower right away. Ive known him for over 14 years of my life and never felt uncomfortable. So much was going through my mind i couldn't even look him in the face. I actually cried right after and curled up into a ball. But when I finally orgasmed, i felt so much disgust right away and got my tension together to finally alert him and take my hand back right away. At the same time he placed my right hand on his butt to finger him, i didn't say a word. I usually have morning wood like every single morning so I dont know if he took that as a sign or something. He called my name a few times to wake up and I didn't respond hoping that would be the end of it, but then he pulled down my pants a little bit and jacked me off while I am on my stomach still acting asleep. About an hour later I woke up to him groping me, my heart was beating so fast I didn't know what to do, I felt total shock.
I didnt want to deal with an awkward conversation, so i decided fine i'll just sleep in his room.
One night we were playing games until about 4:00am and I was calling it a night, but when I was going to go down stairs my step mom was getting ready for work. We are both the same age at 21 and I never sleep in his room because he is gay(sounds bad I know, but should have stuck to this rule).